Back 2 Paris

37, 38…those were the numbers on the documents that he was printing. And when I say he I’m referring to me. Sorry I sometimes prefer to speak in 3rd person. So anyhow I  continued to print  the last pages of the booklet. Yes you see it was a large sum of pages and I was printing them because it was late in the night and she had nowhere to go print them. You se my sister was a school teacher and she had to study for an exam I believe. Don’t ask me I’m guessing being a teacher for the first time, they test you when it comes to certain topics before you can teacher. I could be wrong and you may just have to ask her. Or when I get the answer from her, I will let you know the next time I talk to you or y’all if there’s more than one person reading this book. Because you can read a book with more than one person at once. I’ll explain later. So anyway the time was 11:52pm. I didn’t mind printing the papers for her, umm well actually I did. But she was my sister and I loved her dearly, so I had…well actually I knew it was only right to print them for her. Haha. I loved my sister so to be honest I didn’t mind at all. Anyhow as I was finishing up with the prints.

Okay now I’m going a different route and what I’m about to talk about is a different girl. So there she was sitting on my bed. Paris, the place was here with me and I was placed with her. Two places together, at the same time. You’re probably wondering how was this possible? Well let me explain. Paris was not a girl and she was not a place; well it’s kinda hard to explain because in a weird way she actually was a place. The type of place you visit or want to go to. Ok let me stop referring to Paris as a place. You see Paris was actually a woman. And no I don’t know her age, I just knew her name and no she was not a girl and any other questions you or anyone are coming to ask; I’ll give you my response now. I don’t know! All I can tell you is Parris was a woman. A woman with a light complexion, an ebony queen. She was beautiful like an angel. What’s crazy is she remembered me of a girl named Ashiya. But yet again I could be wrong maybe her name was LaShiya. The time was 11:59. I’ll explain Paris now and Ashiya at 12:00am. But time was ticking so I’ll tell you about Ashiya; sorry I mean at 12:01am.  You’re probably wondering why not now. I’m telling you now the time is…wait let me search what time zone or sorry what time it is in France. It is 6:02am. You see generally there is a 6 hour time difference between Paris and New York.   there is a 6 hour time difference between Paris and New York. The sun rises first in France, and then in the United States. Eastern time zone. Sorry I even start to forget that it was about Parris. And I would love to take me and Paris to New York City. Why New York? Because it’s one of those other places I’ve never been. Just picture me and Paris watching the sun set. But New York is not the place to take a girl or woman you don’t know. And to be honest Paris was not a woman. She was a girl I never met or even knew. So the time was actually wrong. It was not the time for New York yet because New York or New York City was in a different time. The time I thought it was; was actually the wrong time. I repeat YOU DOT NOT…I mean YOU SHOULD NEVER…I mean ever ever ever take the time to see a girl or woman you just met. And I met Ashiya sorry wrong person I met Ashiya, she was a dream girl, but let’s talk about LaShiya. Someone tell Paris let link up another time. She was the girl…well there was also Rayna…she 2 was the girl I wanted and needed. Such a sweetheart. And Ashiya sorry I keep saying her name WRONG. LaShiya was it. I could not stand her! You know why? Because she made me late! I hope she reads this. LaShiya! I hate…and I when I say HATE…I mean it. There are 3 dots missing and one is you. Because listen you. Not LaShiya I mean you. The one. (Authors note: sorry if I’m confusing you. It’s so hard to explain. Because you see. I was going through a mental health crisis. Some say and when I say some; I mean one. Yes one doctor named Dr. Harvey. He was the only one doctor that could save me from this, I mean this girl or woman or whoever she was. Because you see this girl was also a place). And ima leave it at this.
Now back to my sister. You see when I finally finished printing the papers; I rushed downstairs. You’re probably wondering you rushed downstairs? Yes because I was going through a health problem so I was back in my parents house. I was there before she arrived. My parent’s room was upstairs and the room I was sleeping in was next to theirs. I was there before my sister had came back. I forgot the reason she came back and I rather not start guessing. I’m sure we’ll sorry I know she had her reason why. Sometimes we go through things in life and we just need some time back to the place where life once started or where we felt it was time to move out on our own. She’s a strong independent woman so I’m sure her reasoning was something that was understandable. And I’m guessing again but I’m sure she came back to check up on the family and me of course. You see my family and I checked up on each other. You see that’s what you call love, family, and caring. Those are my 3 favorite words when it comes to family and caring. You see I had to say those words again. And you’re probably wondering why those two and what about the other word. Hold on reader, I’m going to tell you why. When it comes to and im talking about family there is no such thing as the other word. When a family cares about another family that’s all. The other word is just a add-on. Something you add-on to family. Because family is a strong word on its own. Family is just family and it’s a powerful word that doesn’t need any other word than family. Another was for me to put it is Family is a person. And another word for a person is family. And when a family and another family cares about another family; that family is strong. And the  stronger a family is with another family that’s love. A love that can never be broken. Because that type of love is a bond. A bond that goes from one brother to another, and one sister to another sister…and that stretches from  each generation to the next generation. And we cannot forget about the kids! Because you have to remember it’s the youth that helps the family grow and or from growing. And I thank my nieces and nephews because they are the reason I grew. You see or sorry excuse my words; I meant to say I pray that you noticed how much I’ve grown. And when I say that I’ve grown I mean grown from all angles and all perspectives. You see growing is not just a term it’s an adjective. Well some may differ and some may even correct you and say “you meant growth”. And you may respond with a term like “I’ve grown” and some may say “I’m learning and I’m growing everyday!”

Let me add this, if you feel or the type that would respond or are going to respond with “growing”. I must  say “let’s go”. Because growing is not just a word it’s a way of life. And me being the author of this book,  I’m right there with  you! Let’s continue to grow and let’s not stop! You see growing is not just a one person thing; it can be a group thing that can take effort and pushing. Yes pushing because you need or should I say we, we need to understand this…there is, we are a team and to push something or anything in life requires team effort! It’s like a school without a teacher, what is a school without kids? Nothing…just a building with kids running around like they have no sense. And what are kids in a school with no teacher? Just a bunch of helpless and lost younglings without absolutely no understanding what a school is. Because can you imagine a parent doing their other job; yes sending a child is a parent’s job and it’s actually a law in most countries, to a school building that has nothing but other kids; whose parents send them; thinking this is where their child is suppose to go. And never knowing where they sent their child is just a place with no adult or mature person to teach them that this is no playground. And for the child to go there everyday and continue to play everyday and when he or she returns home they have nothing to say but again. Yes again. When a child goes to a place where there are other kids just like him or her, all their going to learn from each other is again. And again; because all a child learns from another child is what is the meaning of growing up. That child they ask or any child for that matter will always respond with the word “Again”. Because and sorry for saying the words or the  “because, so much”. Because a child is never or will never know the true meaning of growing up if he or she is not being told or taught. You see growing or some may say growth is not a word. It’s a action.  And the word “word” comes after.  And matter fact it will always come after, because that’s what we’re all after. You me and that child I was talking about. Because know this, that child is you. And me. And like I said I’m going to keep saying again, again, and  again. And if you don’t stop me; which you won’t because you don’t know me or know where I live. And if you did I would not give you the time or say to come close to me. Because you see; we as humans do not talk to people we don’t know. Another way to say strangers will be strangers is to say “Let bygones be bygones”. And to say “Let bygones be bygones” is to let things be. And to let things be is not to care. And if you say it’s okay to let kids be in an environment with other kids that don’t know anything but to do the same thing again and again, that means you don’t care. And if you don’t care about another then you don’t care about yourself. And if you don’t care about yourself than you need to stop looking! Yes stop looking in that mirror. And that mirror can be that thing you look into every morning or night when you’re seeing or checking how good or even bad your head or the rest of your body is looking. You need to stop shit and look away. Like I did to Paris and Ashiya and that time I did to both of them at the time. Because you have to understand that you can actually watch two things at the same time. Or the crazy part you can choose to watch multiple things at the same time and learn from all of them. I personally prefer to watch one thing at a time. However if you’re talking about people than I rather watch and listen to 10 or more. I know what you’re thinking why watch 10 people and try to listen to all of them at the same time. And I’ll respond with an answer like this, “Because I can” or something like “ Why in the hell not”? You see you can do multiple things at the same time and if they are very important you will try to. That’s what a teacher does. When 10 or more students alter different answers to a question, you listen because one or two or more of those students might be right. And if you’re right or you choose to go left with your original answer; I’ll follow you. And I’ll listen just Incase you change your mind and go the other way. Like Paris or was it Parris. You see some girls and some women overseas; and even women worldwide will take their original name and change it.  Whether it is a nickname they choose or some take a different route and change the whole thing. That’s why I say Paris or Parris because I don’t know if she kept her birth name or changed it. Which I have no problem with and I actually find it very interesting. That you can go for one name like Paris and go to a name like Parris. And all you have to do is fill out your new name or while you’re on the spot you can go a different way and change it to something that you prefer. And the crazy part is it doesn’t have to make sense. And when I say sense I mean it doesn’t have even be spelled the way people expect it to be spelled. And you know what you’re in the driver’s seat. Meaning if they call you by any other name or don’t respect that you go by a different title you can ignore them. And what’s crazy is if you keep ignoring them they will leave you alone and go about their way. And if they choose to go in an the abusive route or choose to go in a way you’re not okay with, you can call the police. And matter fact you are the police! and if someone chooses not to obey your law of calling you by your new legal given name, you can drive off.

Yes you can drive off or walk away. And when I say walk away I mean you can go. You can go so far into the dark to the point where that person will never see you or have the privilege to ever contact you or stand next or close to you. Because if they ever do, you will call the police. Yes the REAL POLICE. And do you know why? Because the real POLICE don’t play. And if you ever came close to talking crazy or disrespecting the police… the real police will tell you once. Or even twice to stop. And if you continue with the disrespect they will tell you to stop! And if you still continue to act like you have no sense…they will pull out their badge and drop it. I know you’re probably wondering drop their badge? Why drop it? I’ll tell you why; it’s because the real police are not the police. The real police are the police. The police will never stop and drop anything. The real police are serious people. The type of serious people that confront you when there is a problem. And that wait. Why wait because it’s the right thing to do. And they will tell you and warn you to stop whatever you’re doing before things escalate and go the way you don’t want it to go. And it’s usually a route that most people don’t want to ever go. But what always happens in situations like this? I’ll tell you what happens. It’s always someone. It’s always and I mean always someone or should I say an idiot. An idiot and sorry I don’t mean to say an idiot because we humans can act childish sometimes and think we’re above other people and can do whatever we can. Even in serious situations we put our own selves in even when we know we’re dead wrong. And have the nerve to talk down on the individual that’s just trying to remind us we should not be doing what we’re doing because what we are doing can hurt us and potentially hurt or harm other people. But what do we idiots knowing we’re too smart to be doing the stupid thing or things we’re doing when a righteous person who does not know us or is not trying to harm us; warns us to stop doing the unlawful thing that we’re doing, and just attempting to help or even better save us from ourselves because at this point we are or have gone to a point of where we’re not even seeing what we are doing or sadly doing to someone near or might be close by without knowing or seeing what we are doing to the person in front of us. So the police no not the real police because let me tell you this. There is no such thing as the REAL POLICE because the real police is the person with the ID badge in their top pocket (usually in the top left chest pocket of their uniform shirt or jacket), who do not have time to pull it out. You see there is a reason why the police have their gun tucked on their waistband or holster(on the dominant side). And the reason they call it the dominant side is because it’s usually the officer’s quick hand. So it’s easier to reach the gun and shoot. 

And they, the police, and whoever else, because they can be more than one police officer on the once. Especially if the individual they are dealing with is acting like he or she has no sense. They or the police officer has to protect themselves and the people around, or the person who happen to be walking by and is standing near the scene wondering what is going on or why they are two or more police officers on the scene. Especially if the innocent bystander or bystanders see a crazy individual or individuals acting like they or he has no sense at all and is talking back to the individual that has a gun that could possibly harm him or the people around. Or sadly hurt someone like himself or the kids walking by because believe me it’s always a curious kid that doesn’t understand the law or what it means to stay back; that might find it cool or interesting to get closer and talk. Yes talk to the police officer and ask what is going on or why the guy or lady is acting the way they’re acting. And only for the crazy individual or the unhealthy individual or individuals to respond with a attic that could harm himself or themselves or even worse hurt the kid, that’s lost and doesn’t understand. At this point this is where things go left. And the police officer; and like I said not the REAL POLICE officer, to reach over on his dominant side and pull the pistol or gun and aim and fire at the individual to calm him down or worse kill me. Which alot of people need to understand. And understand this. A police would never kill anyone intentionally or choose to cause arm to anyone who is acting crazy or hurting himself or herself or themselves. A police’s job is to do one job and one job only. To protect the individual and the individuals with him. Or with her. And most importantly make sure the innocent bystanders and kids; if any are around and to keep everyone from harm. But if a police officer; again not a REAL police officer, because a real police officers job is to drop a badge. A real police officer is a cop who plays. A cop who plays games because in the police division or should I say field there is no such thing as a cop. A cop by definition is a player. A player who plays or pretends to arrest people; while a police officer or policeman is the real police. You see the term cop was short for “copper”. A copper was actually a female cop. While these were policemen and policewomen; these individuals were often used to play and pretend to be REAL POLICEMEN and POLICEWOMEN. You see in the police division or police field there were no policewomen. Policewomen did not exist until later in life. Policewomen or should I say coppers were individuals who dressed like actual policemen and policewomen later in life; pretending to catch criminals and bad guys. Especially when it came to roleplaying; sexually, in the bedroom. You see REAL POLICEMEN and police women don’t pretend and they don’t cop. Real POLICEMEN and real POLICEWOMEN arrest and shoot bad guys if they need to. It’s a big difference. So next time you hear me or anyone say someone is a REAL POLICE, I’m probably referring to cops and coppers. Cops and Coppers are individuals who scream and warn you or and may show or will definitely drop their badges to show you who they are. And arrest you. But they will never shoot you! You know why? Go to a sex party where they have individuals; guys or girls dressed like cops and robbers. No matter how bad an individual is, there or around the around, they will arrest the bad guys in front of them before they do anything else. That’s not what real COPS and COPPERS do! Again yes a policeman or a policewoman can be a cop; and or copper. But real policemen and policewomen is never a cop. Or copper. Because in the real police division they are only two things; a police or policer. And a policer is a real cop. And that’s all. The other individual is a police. And that’s the reason a police; who also go by policeman  for a males and who is also called a cop; and a policewoman for the females or can sometimes be called a copper. But as I said a cop can never be a policemen or women but a policemen and policewomen will always and I mean always will be an individual with a badge and gun that patrols and catches real individuals or can cop and patrol a vehicle and or ram a car, pull you out with no identification or feel the need to because once a cop; I mean a policeman or policewoman, at this point has one objection and one objection only. To protect or kill! And if you object or fail to corporate than he or she has the power and right to stop you and anybody that doesn’t want to listen. Especially if that person is a threat to him or herself or can hurt or harm anyone around even the police officer and some cases especially the police officer. And especially a child or an individual or does bit not comprehend or understand what is going on; especially on to scene of the crime. Especially if that individual is a child or minor.

Some may even ask or even wonder a minor? Why would a child or minor be doing on the scene of a police investigation or arrest. Because kids with no parents to teach them comprehension especially when it comes to serious situations will always and I mean always become  a victim and fall into the trap. Or worse fall into that rectangle. Some call it rectangular but to me I call it a square. Because when it comes to this kind of things it’s hard to shape it and make sense if it. And when I say shape I mean make which is still saying the same thing. And that thing is never ending and it will continue to be the way it is. Until we take it and shape it into something else. And I know you’re probably wondering what do I mean when I say “it”. I’m saying or meant we could and should take the nonsense and shape it; the nonsense into something that makes sense. Because in mathematics there is no shaping. Everything is already shaped we just need to create.

Because in mathematics(math) we’re not mathematicians were scientists. In math there are creators; just another name for a scientist. And scientists create. And we create and make what our lives are. 

You see Paris was in my room for a good reason. Not only did she have a heart but she cared. And you’re probably wondering how do I know that she cared? Because this woman wasn’t an ordinary woman. This woman was the type of woman that could go. And when I say go I mean get out of here fast. And when I say fast I mean so fast that you couldn’t even catch her if you tried. And I tried! Believe me when I say tried I mean that I tried and tried so bad that I fell. Now I know what you’re thinking how can someone like yourself or me try so bad at getting something that you fall. Because to try is to try. But to try and end up falling  and when I say falling I’m talking to fall so bad that you call it fail. Because you have tried so bad that’s it’s over and there is no point of going back to try it again because you know what the result is going to be already. But to try and to try so bad that you fall to fall is to fall and nonI’m not fail; I’m talking to try to go at something and to wind up at the bottom. That type of failure is a term we(that’s me, myself, and I) consider the true meaning of the word to fall. And boy, I fail; oh sorry I mean I fell. Hard. So hard on my head that I forgot the true meaning of failing. And I started to call it falling, failing and failing and failing and failing again to myself over and over and over and over and over and over again. Because you have to understand that failing doesn’t not necessarily make you a failure. For someone or to anyone that fails, don’t ever think from the bat that you’re a loser. No anyone can lose at something. But if you lose at something once and you quit, you’re a loser. Now let me tell you the real definition of a failure or should I say to myself a “Faller”. And yes a faller is a true word that I may need to explain to you later. And when I say later I mean I mean now. You see now can mean later and later can mean now…well only if you’re referring to Parris the place. And she was still in my room waiting to go now, and when I say she was going to be out; I mean now or she is out of here to a new place! And that place I’m referring to was home. Again let’s get back to being a failure because I’m tell you what a loser is. And losing is only losing if you lose. But to fail; the true definition of a failure is not a failure it’s a lost. You see when you failure you don’t give up. You can do or go at a thing and fail once and yes they(Im referring to you and you because you are more than one person; and yes I’m talking third person because there is another person inside you that NO ONE can ever meet or say correctly because it’s more than a term. That term is recispacal to a person. And whats strange is that person people can call a term is a person. A real person that only I can call or I should say call on because he’s (and I’m talking only to myself because me being a male being, the me I’m talking about is me. Or should I say me-me because the myself I’m talking about can only be said or called on by the individual calling it. And when I say it, I mean the “me”. And some of you or you and yourself are still or may still be trying to figure out what am I saying when I say me or me-me. Let’s try this. Call me by my first name and I will respond with a “Yeah, that’s me”. You can then go head and ask me a 2nd question and I will  say “Yeah, You talking to Me”. And if you go for a 3rd question then that’s it. And if you don’t understand what I mean when I say the term or phrase that’s it. Then you need to look up and see the true definition of a person and the person that lives inside us. Or if you’re crazy and hear voices then you may have multiple persons inside you. Anyhow look up “persons inside of us” and you will see that there is more than one. And when I say more than one persons I’m talking individuals. These individuals do not exist to others but to us they exist. And when I say exist I mean they existed a long, long, long, long; long, long, long, and I could go on and on and on but I’ll stop right here and end that like this. We as humans can do something and fall and people outside can call us losers and failures. But they fell to understand that that’s not the end of us. This is just the beginning. Because once we fall or  once we fail and try again only to fall again, we may fall and even find ourselves on the ground. But if we want to keep going on or even if we don’t, there is always a 2nd person or persons; I’m talking that third person who’s waiting to be called upon, so he or she(if you’re a female with a third person living inside of you) can come to pick up the second person or take on the duty to keep going. And going and end up winning the battle that you and him and you-you(for me I refer this person as me-me) and leave the outside people shocked. With disbelief on how a person who tried to win the battle and fell dead on the ground and we being the people saw him lying on the ground, breathless; with little or no strength at all, can just get up and surprisingly win the battle other people were trying and surely going to win. This is what you call a person that failed or fell or if you’re me-me a failure. A failure is not a loser; a failure is one that may fall or one that falls, but has the courage inside of him or herself to get up by calling on the others inside him to come to the rescue and save him and walk or run together to that finish line. And you and you and you had that person or persons that sits and waits to be called upon to come pick you up when you fall and carry you along so You, Yourself and Him (or her if you’re a female) can run together to that finish. You see a that doesn’t apply to a loser. A loser cannot get up and win. All a loser can do is lose and accept the lost. A loser cannot call the persons inside him or herself and expect to go for the win. You notice a loser is a past-tense term that says you’ve already lost. Meaning if you get called a loser that means you are at the finish line next to the winner; in this conversation we are having; I mean next to the failure who got up and had the strength and courage to get up and win a battle that you failed to win. Whether you lied on the ground with no strength or no courage to call the people inside you to pick you up and carry you to the finish line. You just lied there. But the failure, I guess he or she is a different type of loser that one you can laugh and point and call names afterwards when you see him(or her) outside this battlefield. This different type of loser (well a term that you use because this term only exists to you and your type of people especially the ones that live inside your world) had the same courage and same number of people inside him that you also; decided to call them for help but you chose not. And one of the rules to the battle was that this type of rule is acceptable but you decided not to follow that rule. So remember this, and I’m refer to you, yourself, and the other you (who in my opinion should change his name (or her name if you’re a female) so he can have his own identity and know he or she is being called upon for help and not to wonder around or pretending to be sleeping or even worse sleeping when his brothers or sisters are calling him to come rescue them.
 Now that you understand what a failure is now let’s get back to Parris. So there she was, about to leave. I thought so this is it, the end of the road. Because once this is over, it’s over. As much I didn’t want it to be over, she got up and told me later. Yes later. I paused and thought to myself what does it mean when some gets up and says later. Later usually means I will see you another time in different places. But I refused to accept what she was saying! Later is not something I was going to accept. Yes I should have given her all my time but I had to print some documents for my sister and the thing about me is once I start something I make sure I finish it. But at this point what I started or how I wanted to end this thing; this Parris thing was not this way. So I got up myself because I was sitting down when I was printing those papers for my sister. So as I was getting up she was half way towards the door. I walked towards her but she was already going down the stairs. I proceeded to walk fast and faster so I could ask her a question and let her know how i felt about that word “later”. But it seems she was leading the way and I was chasing her. So as I was reaching the front door, she was already there. So me trying to catch my breath I looked in her eyes and I asked her. What do you mean “later”?. She smiled and opened her mouth and said. When I said later I meant, Now. You see now is another word for later. Now this is only the beginning. And she gave me a kiss on the cheek and walked out. As I watched her disappear in the dark, stood her and thought to myself. The word beginning or the phrase “it’s is the beginning” can mean so much. So was this the beginning of the end or the beginning of a new story or just the end of this chapter? I failed to understand.